God/dess/less Part 3 (Hopefully a conclusion)
This the third post in my deconversion series. Read part one and part two
It is odd to be an Agnostic in a family full of theists. My relatives still send me religious spam, even though I have politely and firmly asked them to stop doing it. I pretty much just delete anything that has "forward" in the title, so I hope I'm not missing anything important.
The reactions to my "coming out" have not been altogether pleasant, and after it was discovered that I was on birth control (and therefore assumed to be sleeping with guys, in this case, rightly) it was even worse.
My friend since Kindergarten accused me of being a filthy whore that he was done with. I didn't talk to him for three years.
My guardian from New Mexico called me a prostitute, and said that I must be having sex because my ex-boyfriend had.
I've been told I'm going to hell. I've been told that I need to read the Bible (which is funny, because I can quote the Bible better than most theists). I've been told that I'll "Grow out of it" much like I'll grow out of my feminism. I've been asked how many babies I've aborted (I wasn't even aware I could abort a baby). I've been told that people will "pray for me".
Some of the reactions I received were surprising. My father, who is now trying to reconnect with me, told me that "Yeah, some of the stuff is silly, but you should do it for your mother". To some of my other friends, mainly the non-Christian theist, the reaction was "So?" said much like "You were wrong before, and now you're a different kind of wrong". To some other friends, it was totally non-climatic: they rolled their eyes and went "duh".
Whenever I think about this, I can't help but think that this is like my friend "coming out" as gay. Some people were harsh, some people were lukewarm, and some people were like "You wear Birkenstocks".
And, running with this analogy, I don't know too many gays who hate straights. I may get called a "Breeder" every once in awhile, normally jokingly, but never any hostility towards them.
I do not hate Christians. I don't even dislike Christians. I'm not mad at "God" (how could I be mad at a being I don't think exists?) nor am I mad at Jesus. In fact, I think of Jesus of Nazareth much the same why I think of Buddha or Socrates: he had some good ideas, he had some bad ideas.
What I do dislike is having to live UNDER Christianity, and I do mean under. I already posted about Christian Laws but there's more than that: there's the arrogance that so many people possess that I'm less-than they are: less spiritual, less moral, less than they are. That they put up with me because they are so magnanimous.
And I am not without faith. I have faith in something that has less evidence for it then the Christian God: I have faith that humans can learn will learn, and as a society we will actively evolve into a better society (although, not a perfect one). We have the capacity to be good, and people will chose to be good if the opportunity is there. When people feel secure, people will be compassionate. This is where I draw the desire to get up every morning and go out into the world, the thought that keeps me together: we can be better.
Sometimes, however, I think this is just as much a fairy tail as Star Trek and God.